When I started Simply Vicki, I told myself that it was a way for me to express myself.  Share who I was with the world.  And if I made a little money along the way, so be it.  Well, somewhere along the way things changed.

You see, I pray.  I believe in prayer in a powerful way.  Along my journey, I prayed.  I prayed for favor, financial blessing, healing and guidance.  Sadly, that order is probably about right.

I’ve told you some of my “work from home” journey.  Truth be told, I’ve cost my family way more than I ever made and not just in terms of money.  You see, I made a decision a long time ago that I was going to be a great Mommy.  I believed that staying home and raising my children was important.  So, I stayed home.  I felt God was calling me to.  To go a little beyond my comfort zone in sharing here, when I was pregnant with my oldest, I had this fear.  I feared dying young and leaving my children without a mother.  I finally took it to prayer one afternoon.

That was the first time I ever experienced God speaking to me.  I’d felt His guidance some before, but never felt Him speak to me.  His words were – “You will raise your children.”  I’ve clung to these words, this promise for a long time now.  This promise has carried me through some rough patches, including that first pregnancy.

About a year ago, God brought this back to my mind when I was praying one day.  I don’t remember the circumstances, but I’m guessing I was praying about my current “work from home” venture (making and selling jewelry – my favorite, by the way).  I do believe it was right before the start of Simply Vicki.  I realize now that this was not just a promise from Him to me, this was a promise from me to Him.  I will raise my children.

Nevertheless, I was still convinced I needed to do something of worth.  And by worth, I mean make money.  I was convinced I needed to be more than “just” a Mommy.  To cut this portion of the story short, let’s just say I felt like a crappy mother the whole time, but I kept feeding myself excuses.  “I’m doing this so I can do more with my children” and “I’m doing this to bring my hubby home from working for someone else” were the top two.

A few months ago, I had my wisdom teeth out.  You may remember.  Well, it has turned out that was just the beginning for me.  It’s been a very rough four months for me.  I have questioned everything I believe in, been put in the position to walk the walk of my faith and fought with fear, doubt and depression.  I have been extremely frustrated, angry and heartbroken, occasionally all at once.

On the other hand, I have seen God move in ways that are undeniably His.  I’ve seen Him connect the dots for me in ways that help me see the obvious and the not-so-obvious.  He’s fixed broken parts of our marriage.  He’s taught me lessons I needed to learn.  These lessons have helped me to understand some things I’ve struggled with over the years.

So, while these four months have been hard, I have come out of them broken, in a good way.

One of the things He showed me started with the economy, no less.  Like everyone in this country, my husband and I have spent a decent amount of time talking and thinking about our finances.  This comes back to prayer.  We prayed that God would rebuke the devourer of our resources (Malachi 3:10-12).  We were thinking financially, of course, but God also had other plans for me.

I was laying in bed last night and I realized just how much of my resources I have tied up in Simply Vicki.  Not much money, really, but oh the TIME.  To be honest, I’ve been thinking more and more about this in recent weeks, but last night was one of those nights where it just HIT me.  Time is the most precious resource we have and I am willingly letting something devour the hours of my life on a daily basis.  The time it takes to write a post is just the tip of the iceberg.  Between my brainstorming sessions (which I totally love, I’m an ideas person) and networking to find people to actually read this blog, it is hours each day.  And it needs to stop.

I only have a certain amount of years with my children.  They are precious, precious years.  Years I can not get back if I waste them trying to prove myself.

To backtrack a little, our finances are another reason to end this.  I have been thinking a lot about this scripture – “Owe no man any thing, but to love one another” (Romans 13:8a).  Owe no man.  Sort version, we aren’t obeying this command.  And that needs to change.  So, we are making changes, some small and some not-so-small, aka sacrificial.  One of these changes is to give up our internet connection to put that money toward paying off debt.

To bring this all full-circle, I am ending Simply Vicki to re-focus on my family.  To finally stop trying to prove myself (even if only to myself) and do what God has called me to do.  I will raise my children, not a blog or money.

If you need to reach me, you can leave a comment here or email me at info@simplyvicki.com, I will have that email address at least through the end of March.  Thank you to all the readers that have taken the time to contact me and/or interact with me here on the blog over the past 12 months, I truly appreciate your sharing with me.  I have made some friends through this blog that I will treasure always.

This will be the last post on this blog.  I pray blessings on all of you.  God bless.